Christmas with Tiny Titus

James and Nikki Smith welcomed their first-born child Titus on August 12, 2020.  They had a conversation about being new parents for the first Pandemic Christmas. They both serve as Lutheran pastors. 

James: What are you most excited about this year for Christmas with Titus?

Nikki: I think watching him enjoy the lights and the music because he’s too little to get excited about presents. He has no concept of presents, but he follows the lights and likes to look at them, and he smiles or falls asleep when you play Christmas music.

What is something you enjoyed more about Christmas by having a baby?

James: I think I’m going to go with your answer about the lights.  I love his reaction when he sees bright lights or how his eyes follow the lights on the tree.  It’s a lot of fun to see someone soaking in the beauty of the time of year for the first time. 

What about yourself?  What have you enjoyed more?

Nikki: I think I enjoyed cooking for the holidays more.  Normally I absolutely hate holiday cooking because it turns into a stressful chore rather than something to be enjoyed.  Having the baby in the kitchen, he keeps me company: he’s laughing, looking at what I’m doing.  He’s company.  Instead of the stress of trying to create the perfect Christmas meal, I’m going to cook for people I care about. 

James: Do you think this Christmas is more or less stressful than usual?

Nikki: Oh…that’s tough.

James: That’s why I asked.

Nikki: I’m gonna go with less.  Because coronavirus just takes options off the table, such as “whose family are we going to visit?” or “what are we going to cook for the family vegetarian?”  Because I don’t have that choice to make, it’s less stressful because it’s just you and me.  I think it would be more stressful if we were trying to visit family because in addition to finding the perfect gift, it would be “huh, am I gonna kill someone from a deadly plague or get it myself?”

What is one of our family Christmas traditions that you look forward to sharing with Titus?

James: I’m looking forward to having someone to hide the pickle ornament for again.  Because when I’m just hiding it for you, no offense, but it’s not very exciting.  It’s just waiting for you to find it.  Unlike my family of 4 kids growing up, there’s no competition.  Also, it feels like even on the most tangled Christmas tree, it’s simply a matter of time before you find it.  Once Titus hits 3 or 4, it could be a matter of days before he finds it.  It’s an open question. 

What tradition that’s different or out of the equation this year do you think you’re going to miss the most?

Nikki: For me, it’s hands down visiting family.  For me, one of the things that I love best about the Christmas season is being able to visit family and friends, and this year I was looking forward to Titus getting to see all of his family and get passed around and get kisses, and he’s not gonna have that this year.  For me, the only silver lining is he will be too young to remember this, thank God.

James: Walk me through what the decision was like in having to decide to cancel the family vacation plans.

Nikki: At first, we were planning to visit my family, and we were planning to use precautions like isolating beforehand, but then as cases continued to rise because of people not following precautions, I became more concerned about asymptomatic carriers, and my biggest fear was sickening my family, esp. my grandma, who is older and has health problems.  And then, as a mom, I’m not going to lie, I’m terrified of my son getting COVID because I don’t know what that would do to him.  How sick could he get, and how would they treat a baby?  It’s hard enough to treat adults who are dying in the hundreds [of thousands]; what could they do for a 4-month-old? 

So I will say there was a lot of guilt in calling my family to tell them we’re not coming.  Those were some of the toughest phone calls to have to make because there’s a lot of guilt and sadness.

What is the hardest part about Christmas this year for you?

James: As someone whose grandparents all died before I was a teen, it’s the thought of Titus’s grandparents not getting to see him.  It really sucks, esp. for your grandma.  But on the other hand, you are risking one Christmas for the hope of many more in years to come.  I guess for me the vaccine makes me hopeful.  Maybe if we don’t get to celebrate Christmas as a family this year, we can celebrate an extra special Memorial Day, or July 4th, or Flag Day; hell, we need reasons to celebrate in 2021. 

Nikki: What is one thing about Christmas that COVID has helped you appreciate and/or value more or that you didn’t before?

James: I was talking about this earlier this morning with my churches’ [virtual] prayer breakfast group.  I feel like I’ve really become a much more grateful person this year.  Part of it is trying to look at the things that bring me joy rather than all the doomscrolling.  But another part is you start to appreciate the small things, like a chance encounter with someone you know on a walk outside, or the fact that sports games are being played and on tv at all, even if all my teams are historically terrible (UM football, Detroit sports teams, yeah…).  I’m also really grateful for all the technology that has allowed me to continue to see people, worship, Zoom Thanksgiving with the family.  And I’ve also gained an appreciation for not only frontline workers, but people doing the everyday jobs that sometimes in the past I took for granted.  What about you?

Nikki: I think it’s made me appreciate the power and joy of in-person human contact before.  I think before COVID I just took things for granted, like I can be within 6’ of someone and talk to them, or visit my family and friends when I want to, or people are just walking around.  Even going to buy groceries, I took for granted how easy and safe it was to just walk into a store.  I appreciate now even being able to say hi to people across the street or having worship on Zoom.  I sure appreciate the phone more because I can call people and at least hear their voices.  I really appreciate the Christmas [Nativity] story more because in normal years, it’s hard not just to hear the Nativity story and just feel happy and joyful but because it’s mixed with thoughts of gifts and food and family coming, so the Nativity story didn’t have as much power.  But this year being alone, I can really relate to poor shepherds in a field really missing their family.  And I can relate to the Magi with the long-shot hope that this star might lead them to God.  Having a baby really helps me to understand the wow of God becoming a baby because I’ve gotten to experience what a baby is like. 

Are you happier that we have the baby at this Christmas with everything going on?  Do you think it was good timing?

James: One thing I learned is that you can’t really time a baby all that well.  I finally had to concede we’ll just never be “ready.”  But what I can say is I think he gives me a lot of joy right now and hope for the future.  It’s fun not just to teach him Christmas carols or look at lights this year, but to think about all the Christmases to come.  Having Titus makes me hope for the 20-30 years of Christmas ahead when we can have many of the old traditions back.  My only hope is that it’s not just a return to normal, but that we can take away some of the values and gratitude that we’ve learned in this first “unusual” Christmas as parents.