“I think this year I have a different sense of motivation to complete a summer bucket list. With the quarantine that we have all endured it has been hard to feel like you’ve accomplished anything. You can feel bored and unmotivated. But this year more than anything I WANT to complete something. I want to feel like I started a project and finished it. So I’m challenging myself to find the best bucket list for us and to work hard to complete it with my children.”

“My days are filled with manic highs and mind-numbing lows. There are days where I am just ‘fine’ and days where I can barely get off the couch. There are days where I feel like I am drowning and being swallowed up by sadness. Of course on these days parenting is the hardest. Thinking and breathing hurts. Doing anything hurts. Parenting is the last thing on my mind. I can hardly take care of myself, so how do I take care of another human being?”

“I miss my children’s teachers. I miss the joy of dropping my children off at school knowing they were in the best possible hands for the day. I miss packing my son’s lunch. I miss the stress of attempting to wake my 12-year-old up in the morning so she has enough time to look presentable before school. I miss the arguments and rushing out the door trying not to be late. I miss it all.”

It’s OK to ride the struggle bus at times. But maybe it’s time I jump off that bus, pull up my PJ pants, because let’s be real, that’s all I’ve worn in the last month, and start walking down a new path of motherhood. The path that leads me to being the best mom I can be today instead of the perfect mom.

Do you ever wonder where later has gone? I often think it goes to the back of the closet and gets lost with those Christmas gifts you forgot you bought. As an adult, later seems like something small and trivial. As a child, later seems like something you’ve wished for but it never happens. And that makes me mad.