#MomLife: Autism Means I’m Awesome

Illustration by Emma Crevier

#MomLife

I Google diagnosed my son as Autistic when he was 2, educationally he was diagnosed at 2 ½ by the Intermediate School District, and at 3 he was medically diagnosed by a neuropsychologist. 

I noticed quite early on that his milestones were delayed by “their” standards. Who are “they” by the way? So I turned to Google because that is what everyone does, and took some online quizzes and came up with Autism. Who knew my googling would actually turn out to be correct this time! 

Once we finally had some answers it was time to move on and start the lifechanging process of being an Autism family. My husband and I both jumped in feet first and got the early intervention that he needed. Let’s fast forward to now, April 2020, Nathan is 9 ½ and has grown leaps and bounds since his diagnosis but faces daily challenges, and I can only imagine what he’s going through. 

Until recently, I have avoided talking to Nathan about Autism because I didn’t feel he would understand it. I’ve brought up the word a few times but he hasn’t been receptive to it, so I just pushed it to the pile of things I’ll talk to him about when he’s older. But the other day he came to me and said “Mom, I’m autistic.” So naturally I asked him if he knew what that meant, and he replied, “Yes. It means I’m awesome!”

My awesome son Nathan Hightree and his bear Willy Wonka.

I didn’t know what to say beside smile and agree with him. Yes, I think he is very awesome, I just didn’t expect him to say it. After he ran off to play a video game I started thinking, isn’t it funny that I have stressed over when the perfect time to explain his diagnosis would be and this entire time he has been listening and absorbing what I’ve said about Autism? I have made statements about how awesome he is, I have told him he is wonderful and different and that is OK. 

But then I started to think about the negative things I have said about Autism. It’s no secret that Autism is difficult. It’s annoying, it’s frustrating, it’s time consuming, it’s a way of life that is our life. But I don’t have to love it all the time, I don’t have to think it’s always awesome. Does that make me a bad mom? Not at all. It makes me real. 

But I do have to remember that the things I say out loud are heard by little ears and remembered. So, I have made it a point to not say negative things about Autism but there’s always that chance I will slip up and he will hear me and remember it. So what do I do now? Do I wait until he is a bit older to explain that there is much more to his brain than being awesome, do I tell him now or do I let life take the lead and choose for me? 

I think right now I’m going to let life take the lead but I am going to continue to tell Nathan how awesome he is and enjoy all of the random hilarious things he says. He is the funniest person I know. He is one of the most frustrating people I know. He is smart. He is creative. He is Autistic. And yes, he is Awesome!  

Steph Hightree is a hot mess mom who is fueled by stress and too much caffeine. She is a Three Rivers native who talks about the good, the bad, and well, everything else about parenthood.


Any views or opinions expressed in “#MomLife” are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of the Watershed Voice staff or its board of directors.