Living on Purpose
You know the old adage “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade?” It had always just been a handy motivational quote to me. That changed in October of 2015 when I was handed my giant basket of “lemons.”
Devastation came first. Then a four-month period of grief and depression. Crying until the point of exhaustion, stopping only just before my son came home from school. Anger was mixed in there too. I didn’t pray. Not once. I called my mom. She prayed while tears were streaming down my cheeks, chin, and into the hair of my sleeping newborn. I don’t even recall hearing her say “amen.”
I was without hope, without a plan, and felt intensely alone. I wanted to run for the mountains, and palm trees. Arizona. I wanted to run home. Back to where people loved and protected me. My situation at the time would not allow me to do that, so with only the choices to sink or swim, I decided I was ready to make a tall glass of iced lemonade.
Easier said than done but my mom has always said; “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” With that, I began the process of reframing. Reshaping one’s frame of mind or “reframing” is a cognitive therapy developed by psychiatrist Aaron T. Beck for the purpose of transforming negative thought patterns into positive ones. One thing I knew for sure was that there was no way forward for me while cycling through the negative thought patterns I held about my current state or future.
Internally I constantly heard, “I can’t do this.” “I have no clue what I’m up against.” “This is not fair.” It was disabling and I often failed to be productive during the day. Although homework was checked and meals were made, I was disconnected from play, and imaginative conversations. I was physically present and emotionally absent. While I suffered with these dark emotions, I knew I had to get it together if for no other reason but for my children.
Reframing works by first identifying stress inducing thoughts. The type that magnify the weight of the situation. Like saying “Bad things always happen to me!” This places a laser like focus on every negative event you’ve ever experienced, making the burden heavier.
The second step towards reframing is to challenge those dark thoughts, causing you to acknowledge the reality that good days and good things have and still exist. A third step is to commit to identifying and challenging these thoughts time and again. The purpose is not to diminish the difficulty of the matter at hand, but to build a framework of resiliency. With everything in me I wanted to get back on my feet.
I began attacking “I can’t do this” with “I can do this one day, one step at a time.” I replaced “I have no clue what I’m up against” with “I can do hard things.” This caused me to conduct thorough research and make connections with professionals to find answers. I pushed out the thought “This is not fair” with “What is this teaching me, and what good remains?” Even when it’s dark and hard to see, there is always a silver lining.
There were twists and turns along the way. It took a few years to regroup, BUT I did find my way out of that dark place, and finally turned those lemons into lemonade. Reframing works, it’s a method that has worked for many, and will work for you, if you ever find yourself holding your own basket of lemons.
A native of Phoenix, Arizona Aundrea Sayrie is a firm believer in the power of words, faith and a strong spirit. Her greatest desire is to encourage those around her to discover and honor their truth, and to passionately live on purpose. IG @aundreasayrie.
Any views or opinions expressed in “Living on Purpose” are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of the Watershed Voice staff or its board of directors.
