#MomLife: My Love/Hate Relationship with Mom Friends

Illustration by Emma Crevier

I remember when my daughter was a baby, I longed for some mom friends. I wanted to be able to talk with them about what I was going through and share ideas and advice. I wanted adult conversation. To feel like I had someone in my corner when I felt like I was failing. I wanted someone to go to coffee with. But I have to admit, making mom friends is hard. Like really hard. 

Making friends in itself is hard. But making mom friends is a whole different ball game. Getting accepted into the elite group of moms seemed like it was impossible. I tried forming playdates and posting on social media to get some interest, I tried joining established local mom groups, I signed my daughter up for dance and gymnastics hoping to meet some moms in the waiting room. But I never seemed to click with any of them. I started to feel like maybe it was just me who wasn’t easy to get along with. Maybe I was the one who needed to make some changes in order to gain access into the group. Maybe I was unlikable. 

So, I spent many years content with the fact that I was not going to gain access into the club. I gave up. I turned to the internet and made “Virtual Mom Friends.” But obviously that wasn’t the same as friends you were able to see in person and make play dates and coffee dates with. There were times where I felt like I was alone in this whole Mom gig. 

After doing some serious self-reflection, I realized that it wasn’t me at all. It was all of us. Moms can be mean. They judge each other on parenting styles. They verbally attack each other about who is a better mom, the one who breast feeds or the one who bottle feeds. They compare their children to others to determine who hit their milestones first. They are very hard to get along with at times. But ultimately, I realized that moms have so much going on that they just can’t make time to make friends. 

Life is crazy and even though it would be nice to make time to spend with fellow mom friends, who really has the time? When and how do we fit it into our schedules? Where in my priority list does making mom friends fall? 

I’m envious of the moms who are able to juggle it all and still manage friendships. I’d love to sit with them and hear how they do it. I can barely juggle work and family so I find that my friendships always get put last. And I realize now that is the reason why I have had such a hard time making mom friends. It isn’t me; it isn’t them, it’s life. 

I’ve given up on my quest to join the elite group of moms. I’ve accepted the fact that we are all busy. However, I will also gladly welcome any fellow “Hot Mess Moms” to my group of one. Maybe we can bond on being a complete mess, but I won’t be sad when we can’t find time to have coffee. 

During my journey to find mom friends I ended up making the best, Best Friend anyone could ask for. And guess what? He isn’t a fellow mom. And I’m perfectly fine with that. 

Steph Hightree is a hot mess mom who is fueled by stress and too much caffeine. She is a Three Rivers native who talks about the good, the bad, and well, everything else about parenthood.


Any views or opinions expressed in “#MomLife” are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of the Watershed Voice staff or its board of directors.