I have loved figure skating my whole life. Since I was a kid, I would watch the Saturday and Sunday performances of the great American figure skaters. I was the kid spinning on my Grandma’s kitchen floor in my socks so I could spin faster. Pretending to twist my body into jumps like the Axel and Lutz. Moves I honestly couldn’t tell apart, but it was a thrilling combination of speed, strength, and beauty that drew me in. So needless to say, I am a fan of the sport. 

One skater I wish I had known then was a daring French skater named Surya Bonaly. In a world of “ice princesses,” she was a tour de force. Powerful, unrelenting, and forever pushing the boundaries of the sport. The world of figure skating was not kind to her style. She struggled as a black skater outside of France because the sport was and still is very political and subjective. One of her many claims to fame is that she is the only skater, male or female, who can do a back flip on ice and land on one foot. How she navigated the exclusive and competitive world of figure skating and the notoriety that followed is a story of hard work and learning to be true to yourself. 

Watching her skate is so entertaining. She is powerful and athletic and that stems from her wide array of childhood athletics. She started in fencing and expanded in gymnastics, ballet, horseback riding, diving, and eventually figure skating. She was discovered by a well-known ice-skating coach and moved to Paris. Living in her car with her parents for a while, skating became everything to Surya. 

She won the French National Championship nine times and many European titles, but outside of Europe and France was a different story. 

Her home country of France recognized her talent, but outside of her native borders it was a very difficult road. Not only were judges harsh on her clothing and style choices, they also used coded language that commented on her race without outright saying it. Black athletes have experienced this for decades. The language of “exotic,” “mysterious,” or “different” may appear like a compliment, but it isn’t. It’s code for the outsider or someone outside the “norm.” And she was constantly described by media and judges in this way. Nothing about her talent or boldness, but rather about her “otherness.”

She tried to change her appearance for the judges. She remembers cutting her braids because the judges didn’t like it. Her costumes were altered, hair styles, and programs were altered to meet the judges’ expectations, but it wasn’t enough. 

And it showed in Worlds 1994. She was equally matched with Yuka Sato, but Surya had accomplished more difficult jumps and had improved her gracefulness. The judges, of course, sided with the thinner, more white looking, Sato. Surya was crushed. She wouldn’t get on the podium during the presentation and boldly took off her medal after reluctantly having it bestowed upon her. After everything she had tried to do, to be what the judges wanted, she still would be considered less. She did earn the silver medal at Worlds, but it was, I feel, an empty medal.

So, when she went to Nagano four years later, she had enough of trying to be what the judges wanted. 

Surya has never been a skater who just falls in line. She was not going to do anything less than her best and she was going to do it her way. 

Some of us have experienced this sense of being burdened with expectations. Expectations to belong to a family, a church, a friends group, or an organization and always feeling that we’re just short of belonging. I have to wonder if this is how Surya felt in the International Ice Skating world. 

When you realize that nothing you do will be enough for a group, organization, or family, there is a sense of fear and exhilaration. The fear of what do you do now? When you’ve spent so much of your life trying to mold yourself into expectations that are impossible, it is scary to not know where to go. And it’s thrilling to realize, you can go anywhere you want. I think that is one of the biggest reasons Surya threw all the pain she was experiencing in Nagano Japan in 1998, she decided it was time to do a back flip. 

Most Olympic ice skaters would never attempt something like that. It’s very dangerous, but fearless Bonaly set her jaw, ignored the pain of her most recent injury, and did it. Scott Hamilton, a former Olympian, and commentator at the time, noted that there were several skaters that scored better than Surya, but he can’t recall a single thing about their programs. 

Surya knew she wasn’t going to win. She was never going to be what the competitive world thought she should be. Namely white and dainty. So, despite hours of training and dedication to the sport, she skated onto the ice in 1998 knowing she wouldn’t be getting any medal and decided “I’m just going to go for it.” 

I heartily recommend checking out her Four Seasons piece in 1998. It’s available on YouTube and is worth a watch to see her to her initial back flip. Netflix also has an episode of their original show Losers talking about her experience. Both are fantastic.

After Nagano she retired from the sport and went professional. She was on Champions on Ice for several years and she was known for pushing the boundaries there. And now she was free to do so. The only limitation are her own capabilities. When you realize you’re never going to be enough for someone, it’s scary and exhilarating. Scary on choosing where to go but freeing to go wherever you want. And Surya is definitely doing what she wants. She coaches and does seminars on encouraging girls of color to skate. 

Amanda Yearling is a librarian and writer who has made Three Rivers her home.